Without the blazing idiocy of the peons, our most beloved heros and villains wouldn't seem nearly as brilliant! Here are AIG's top 24 dumbest characters, along with the reasons why we selected them. Enjoy!
24) Kevin Carroll (aka Fakeyork). Though we love him dearly, sticking around after Gaines died and the compound blew up to incur the wrath of the Drazens was just dumb. If he'd fled the state, he might be alive today.
23) George Ferragamo. As if breaking doctor/patient confidentiality with the son of a Senator and Presidential Candidate wasn't dumb enough, he refuses to listen to Palmer, the one person who cares about saving his life after what he did. He knew what the men behind Palmer were capable of while Keith Palmer was his patient, so even if he thought Palmer was threatening him instead of warning him, you'd at least think he might wanna hear what the guy has to say.
22) Frank Allard. Though deliciously brute and intense, clearly a fucking idiot. Any deal where you get $50K worth of Ecstasy for $20K is too good to be true.
21) Carrie Turner. How stupid does a person have to be to try and blackmail Tony Almeida of all people?
20) Eddie Grant. Dave had a point, man. The guy just happens to show up after 5 years on the very day you plan to blow up a government agency?
19) Patty Brooks. No hot Senator lovin' is worth gettin' into bed with Sherry Palmer. Complete bonehead move. You deserved to get fired.
18) Alex Hewitt. Yes, he was mentally imbalanced, and so receives a little pity for that, but when a Federal Agent warns you that if you raise your gun, he'll shoot you, and you're standing on the ledge of the roof of a tall building, DROP THE GUN, you idiot!
17) Nina's goon. This guy doesn't even have the excuse of not knowing what Nina was capable of when he questioned her decision to hear Jack out. Take on Nina and chances are, unless you are Jack Bauer, you're gonna wind up dead. Duh.
16) Pedro. The fake seizure is the oldest trick in the book, dude, come on!
15) Martin Belkin. Did you really think you could get away with pretending to be asleep while the woman you just had meaningless sex with sits right next to you so you don't have to talk to her? Hate to say it, but not sorry to see you dead.
14) Teddy Hanlin. Personal vendettas aside, when Jack Bauer tells you not to shoot, you DON'T SHOOT. Dumbass.
13) Bridgit. Sometimes greed is the purest form of idiocy, and it proved true in your case as well. As sad and brutal as it was, ultimately, you got yourself killed.
12) Ronnie Stark. I know Peter Kingsley is a scary mofo, but your prisoner can't talk if he's dead.
11) Ramon Garcia. Sitting there wailing "please don't let him die" in the ear of a scared, inexperienced 18 year old as she tries to perform CPR, as though it will actually improve her chances of saving the guy you shot, is about as dumb as it gets.
10) Officer Brown. When two kids go to such great lengths to escape custody so they can get out of LA, maybe you should actually listen to what they have to say.
9) Danny (foolish attempted hotel escapee). A woman holds a gun on you and tells you if you try to leave the hotel, you will get shot. So the first thing you do is try to leave. Idiot.
8) Cop who accompanies Kim to the Matheson house to pick up her stuff. You send a teenage girl into the house of a known homicidal maniac by herself? First of all, houses that big have more than one entrance. Second of all, it is a lot easier to hear someone coming inside the house. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
7) Marcus (aka redneck asshole who killed Yusuf). First of all, the raging ignorance and idiocy it takes to beat the crap out of someone because of their race speaks for itself. But more importantly, when a badass guy with a gun chases you into a locked bathroom and asks you for a chip you stole, YOU GIVE IT TO HIM. Plus there is the whole "do I look European to you?" factor. I could go on.
6) Eli Strahm. The guy on the other end of the phone tells you if you hurt his wife or his daughter, his voice will be the last thing you hear before you die. If, after that, you have to ask whether or not that guy was the girl's father, you truly are a complete dunce.
5) Zach Parker. If, after firing a big rifle at 2 Federal Agents multiple times in a known drug den, when you're finally captured, the first words out of your mouth are "you've got nothing on me," then you're a raging imbecile.
4) Elizabeth Nash. I realize it must have been fucked up to be duped and screwed over by a psychotic Serbian terrorist, but seriously, when the life of Senator Palmer is in your hands, it's not the time for the whole woman scorned act! Especially when you were the one who insisted on planting the tracker in the first place!
3) Ramon Salazar. As awesome a villain as Ramon was, killing your own brother to pursue a deal brokered by the man who put you in prison? I just shake my head.
2) Lonnie McRae (aka Loonie Lonnie). Did you really think the whole fake nuclear detonation thing was a good way to improve your chances of getting laid? Did you think she'd never figure out what you were up to? Oh, I could go on, but there is no need. This moron's raging idiocy speaks for itself.
1) Julia Milliken. This woman definitely gets my vote for dumbest 24 character of all time. First, you let someone convince you to commit criminally negligent homicide. Then, after it's all over, all you had to do was KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT and stick to your story. Things go awry when the police show up. Your boyfriend tells you to KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT until your lawyer arrives. So what do you do? You blab EVERYTHING to the first detective you talk to as quickly as you can flap your lips. Do the words KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT not mean anything to you? It does not compute? Oh my LORD, hopefully she acted smarter than this when Wayne slept with her.
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